Visiting Australia was my plan since I arrived NZ. Finally... finally... I planned for it so even though there is swine flu in Melbourne... I don't care :P
4 days in Melbourne apparently is not enough. What I want to do? I have no idea, I just want to go with the flow :)
Just booked the courier service to post 30kg stuffs (with 5 years memory) back home. I have no idea how to pack and wish Annie loo is here LOL!
I wish time can slow down just a little bit and let me enjoy every moment I have left.
After these years of avoiding feeling or trying to be strong and independent, I slowly lose the ability to listen to my own real voice. I find it very hard to actually know how I feel and my inside though.
I have been trying to build up a very-strong- and-less-emotional YiFan in front of everyone. Because of self protection, my relationship with people is very surface. I'm not willing to invest too much time and effort to any relationship. Purely I don't want to get hurt.
By time pass, I feel alone but it is exactly I want to be. I believe I can be more rational and able to handle different changes and situations. It is kind of right, I do feel easy to let go but I also miss a lot of opportunities to build up long term relationship. That is why I always think I am my own best friend.
I want to change this! I want to be more opened to my emotional, I want to be more attached with people around me, I want to be more depended, I want to have a true relationship. I want to be able to love myself and also people around me.
I want to be able to hear my own voice again!
It is 6am in the morning. I just sent Viv to catch her shuttle to go to the airport. I think the sadness of ending finally hit me. It is the first time I could not sleep in Wellington.
I am trying to feel emotional with the ending of the MC term since April because I don't want to regret that I don't appreciate the remaining time. But I don't really feel it until now. I am not sure if I were pushing down my emotion or trying to avoid the feeling. It is just not easy to handle it now. I never feel so hard to leave a group of people. I know that we can and will continue the friendship but the team is ending.
I know that we all have to move on but I really don't know what I can do to have a perfect ending. May be there is nothing you can do more. I just hope I can always remember what happening in the last 12 months. I know we can't live in the past but hopefully this is a new chapter of our friendship.
My top 5 favourite moments in MC term:
© Blogger template Simple n' Sweet by Ourblogtemplates.com 2009
Back to TOP
