Culture Understanding - Arranged Marriage @ India

One thing I found it very interesting in Indian culture is “arrange marriage”.

For me, this concept only can assist during my grandparent time. I hardly imagine how is it occurred in 21st century. I believe may be it must still happen somewhere around the world. But never think about it can be so close to me.

When I was just arrived India, I heard about Indian arranged marriage, they even create a software/ program to calculate if the couple match to each other. No wonder India is an IT country. Based on my knowledge, they have to match their family status, horoscope (very important!), religion (unbelievable important), may be blood type (not sure), etc. Everything has to be match except the love between the couple.

At the beginning, I totally could not understand how is it going to work? How can people allowed this happen to them? How are you going to marriage a person you only meet s/he for 3 hours or 1 week? How are you going to live with a person you not even fall in love? There are too many questions I could not find the answer.

Fortunately, I know something called culture understanding. I talked to my colleague, he did explain to me how this happen and work in India. In India, marriage does not mean two persons but is about two families. If you married to this guy, actually you are married to his family; you married to his parent, brother, sister, uncle, aunty, everyone in his family. You and your husband is the last thing to consider. In our mindset, marriage is individual-oriented, but here is family-oriented.

Furthermore, guys should start arrange his marriage from 23, girl may be 20-21. WTH! They are just kids. What do you think a 21 years old girl know anything about love and marriage! For me, just a child marriage! But it really happened, don’t be too surprise!

However, the most hardly to understand is not the culture. Is why the young people, who are open-minded, high education, can accept it. Culture can be changed by time, people and other culture. It doesn’t have to be same from 1000 years ago. I have talked to three Indian guys who are old enough (21-25) to get married and their parent is looking for their wife.

I ask the same question, will you accept it?
A person, he did not have any big react on that, he is totally fine with that.
My reaction: =.=’’’, OMG!, totally can’t understand and I am not going to!

B & C person, they could not understand and don’t want to accept that as well. But they give me the same reason “they don’t want to hurt their parent”. One of them is lucky, he is till have a choice not to accept, the other is getting hopeless.

I know I don’t have right to say anything about that. But I hope my friends can be happy especially something they are going to have it for their whole life. I agree, in Indian family, if you refuse to arrange marriage, you parent will get hurt at the beginning. May be one month or may be one year. I am sure it is not going to be forever, they are still your parent.

But, if you choose to accept, you may be fulfill the family “need” but you are hurting yourself and may be the girl who is going to marry you. I know Indian guys are sweet and nice but it should not in this way. If your parent really loves you and care about you, they should respect your choice. They should believe their son can make a good choice for their life. They should proud of the choice which you have made. I know you guys care about your parent and family concept, but did you have to pay back your parent by using this way. I am sure there are 1000 of ohter ways to make them happy and prove that you are a good child.

If you accept that, it is nothing called “grandness”, for me, it is just a loser of his life. It is your life; you should take the whole responsible and choice not your parent or anybody.

You are the one who told me nothing is IMPOSSIBLE in India, because it is “I-M-Possible”. So prove it to me! If I have chance to come back to India for attending your wedding, I hope that time you told me “I marry her because I love her”.